


Karmic Justice

by Pandemic



Series: Han Solo Wants You All To Get Back To Work [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gym Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandemic/pseuds/Pandemic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Maybe we have messed with God, and this is their way of punishing us.” Jessika moaned, hungover after a party last night, where she had stumbled across the couple enthusiastically christening her mum’s chenille bedspread.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karmic Justice

“Where would I be if I was a tennis racket – ah FUCK my EYES!” Rey screams, slamming shut the door she had just opened, and proceeds to try and bleach the image that had just greeted her out of her brain…

She hadn’t quite realised just how _flexible_ Finn was though…

A giggle erupts from the sports equipment closet she had just opened, and Poe hollers, “Don’t be jealous just ‘cause you aren’t getting any, Skywalker!”

“At least hang a fucking gym sock or something guys!” Rey grumbles, pasting a smile on her face as a curious gym-goer walks past the door with a look of bemusement directed at her.

“We had to test whether Finn could do a Firefly pose!” Poe can’t help but add, though the muttered thwack and _ow!_ she hears follow immediately after does make her feel better about that imagery.

“Shut up you kinky fuckers I don’t want to know anything else!” Rey shouts, and proceeds to walk away before Poe can further contaminate her mind. Or worse, Solo turn up to wonder what all the fuss was about and catch an eyeful of two of his employees that he probably didn’t want to see.

* * *

The thing was, Finn and Poe, finally together? Was great. _Super_ great. Like everyone was so happy for them and all that shit you are supposed to say when two idiots finally get their act together and proceed to shag like bunnies. They just didn’t have to be so fucking smug about it.

Jessika and Rey did sometimes wonder whether the fact they had seen more (by which they meant _far too much JFC my poor eyes_ ) of Finn and Poe in the past few months than they had ever, was karmic justice for bringing them together.

“Maybe we have messed with God, and this is their way of punishing us.” Jessika moaned, hungover after a party last night, where she had stumbled across the couple enthusiastically christening her mum’s chenille bedspread.

They’d offered to pay for it, Finn all blushes and embarrassed platitudes whilst Poe just looked goddamn proud of his debauchery. If Jessika had let him, he’d have probably taken the bedspread home and hung it from his bedroom window as a token of just how much action he was getting.

As it stood, Jessika and Rey were currently stood around the smouldering remains of the lavender coloured sheet, having set it alight like burning the evidence would burn it from Jessika’s brain.

“I don’t think I can take it anymore.” Rey mutters, “I still don’t feel right touching the desk at The Force despite the fact I’ve disinfected it.”

“We’ve had sex on that desk more than once you know.” Poe crows as he swaggers past with Finn tucked under one arm. A feat which looks ridiculous, given that Finn is the far more muscular and broader of the two (but Poe will fight anyone who tells him Finn can look after himself and that he can’t treat him like his precious little cinnamon roll).

“For _fuck’s_ sake guys how haven’t your dicks dropped off?” Jessika whinges, and Poe graces her with the biggest shit eating grin she’s ever seen.

“Ah, Finn’s servicing it pretty well that’s why.” He leers.

Jessika and Rey groan in unison and Finn just smiles like he knows how this is wounding them and couldn’t give less of a shit.

* * *

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Poe finds Finn’s flexibility ~~crazy fucking hot~~ interesting. Seriously, it’s like his Krypton or some shit. He can’t cope whatsoever.

And when Finn initially found this out he had proceeded to be the biggest cock tease on the face of the planet.

Rey knows this because Finn told her his crazy plan before it all kicked off, in between moving from a Peacock to a Hummingbird so fluidly Rey couldn’t believe he was actually human.

“We’ve had sex once, and don’t get me wrong it was _great._ ” Finn enthuses.

“Lalalalalala I can’t hear you please stop talking about your sex life.” Rey sings.

“- Like he did this one thing with his _tongue_ , and fucking hell he can seriously move –“ Finn continues, with a wicked grin.

“STOP MY BRAIN DOESN’T NEED THIS INFORMATION.”

“But since then he’s been so careful around me. It’s like he thinks that I won’t like him anymore if we have sex again. But let me tell you the way that guy knows his way round a bedroom? I’m begging for mor-”

“STOP. WHY. PLEASE. DON’T TELL ME ANYMORE.” Rey pleads, “But in all seriousness, that guy is fucking infatuated with you. He practically slips up on his own drool every time he sees you in the studio.”

“The studio?” Finn asks, voice calculating. And this moment, this moment right here, is where Rey should have seen and realised her downfall. Should have not got arrogant with the power bequeathed to her. But no, her ignorance had made her blind. And so followed the words that would plague her for eternity. Words that she would tell Finn and Poe’s grandkids ruined her life for the next several months.

“Well yeah he practically sets up camp outside the studio every time he knows you are practicing your yoga.”

* * *

“Did you – Finn – see – him – Why?” Poe comes gasping up to the front desk a few days later. Jessika is sat doing paperwork like a good little employee because Solo had come past asking why he had thirty new referrals from Finn and not an iota of paperwork to show for it.

_“We run a business here Pava. Why do my employees flaunt that? Do they think it is their own hook-up zone? I don’t need any of that 90210 drama bullshit starting around here. No cheaters or liars. Is anyone cheating on you Pava? You can tell me, I will rip their balls off.”_

The supposedly stern dressing down had ended up with Solo giving Pava a very convoluted “Remember, No means No.” talk with an almost girly heart-to-heart toward the end and Jessika could have sworn she’d seen _hearts_ in Solo’s eyes when he’d mentioned his wife, Leia. But in any case, all the paperwork was forgotten upon watching Poe floundering in front of her with all of the grace of a newborn foal.

“Use grown up words now Poe, I can’t understand your inane babble.” Jessika drawled, and Poe fixed her with a stare as he tried to get his breath back.

“Finn. In the gym. Too flexible.” Poe made a gesture with his hand that to Jessika looked like a really broken swan.

“He broke his back?” Jessika chided.

“No,” Poe exclaimed, exasperated, “Here let me show you.” And with that he leans over the desk and proceeds to type in ‘Locust Scorpion’ into google.

The resulting images are impressive, “Holy fucking shit.” Jessika deadpans, in awe and also full of pity for the poor boy stood in front of her.

“It says it requires amazing hip flexibility.” Poe agrees miserably.

* * *

Naturally, this didn’t last for long. There is only so long patience can last, and when the end goal has a face like Finn and a body that can contort into shapes no one thought possible, it is inevitable that they should end up walking in on Poe and Finn naked in the studio.

What is a little less predictable is the _pose_ Finn is contorted into whilst Poe is thrusting into him, and for the brief glimpse Jessika gets of the pair before she runs out screaming, her face flushes at the _possibilities_ of such a pose.

_Had the guy been sucking his own dick?_

Jesus Christ Solo didn’t pay her nearly enough.

“Come on you perverts there are mirrors in there!” Jessika complains, and she doesn’t think she’s imagining the lack of breath Poe has when he answers.

“That’s part of the appeal!”

* * *

The rivalry between The Force and Dark Side Gym runs deep, embedded in years of competing initiatives to try and bring in more clients than the other. The Force runs on the premise that every member of staff is there to help you, to guide you through becoming a fitter and better you. Or at least, that is what can be garnered from Solo’s ramblings of staff meetings, usually ending in him showing the group yet another home video of his dog Chewbacca that they all have to aww over otherwise he will probably dock their pay. (He’ll say it is due to poor performance during the month, but they all know he watches them all like hawks for responses during those idiotic videos where Chewie will eat a shoe or something).

But Dark Side runs a much more professional ship, in the sense that it’s like they don’t even really want clients. They don’t run classes, and only work as a gym for people to come into, work themselves to death, and clock out of without so much as a word to any of the staff.

So naturally, the polar opposite of the work ethic doesn’t sit well with anyone. Plus the fact that Solo’s own son, Ben, had defected late last year to Dark Side.

“I hear he’s making everyone call him Kylo Ren now.”

“I hear he’s in a torrid love affair with the Duty Manager, Hux, and that’s why he left.”

“I hear Solo refuses to make him his world class lasagne when he comes home for dinner.”

“How is that even relevant Jessika?”

“Leia told me last time she came in. Apparently it’s a crime to not get to eat that.”

Naturally, gossip was fierce, and the fact that Finn had apparently worked at Dark Side for a stint of time before he moved to The Force was further fuel for the fire.

“How did you even get out of there alive?” Poe asks wonderingly as they are all sat gossiping round the front desk one morning, running his hand absently down Finn’s chest.

“Well, actually,” Finn leans forward, drops his voice to a whisper, each and every member of staff there leans in too, ready for whatever bombshell he is about to drop and Ello can swear that Solo himself opens his door just a tad to hear what is about to follow, “I filled in form 2187 – for two weeks’ notice – and informed my manager that I was leaving my job. Standard protocol you know.

The team groan in unison.

“Finn you suck!” Ello whines.

“That’s right he does.” Poe agrees with a wicked grin, ensuring that further groans follow.

* * *

What follows next is something that goes down in The Force history as possibly the greatest moment ever.

Snap’s manning the front desk, and it’s a quiet Sunday afternoon so he’s got nothing but time on his hands, when Poe and Finn come racing in, only half clothed and panting.

“We were here _the whole time_.” Poe stresses as he vaults over the desk, only slightly ruining the look when he tangles himself in the telephone wires and takes the phone set with him. Finn launches himself over with far more grace, and begins to strip himself down to his boxers.

“Sweetheart, whilst you look devastatingly attractive, now is really not the time.” Poe murmurs, though that doesn’t stop him ogling his boyfriend.

Snap takes a glance or two himself… _Man Finn was built._ Though his thoughts don’t get to stray too much further into a ‘am I gay’ crisis before he finds himself on the end of a death stare from Poe, who has definitely caught him in the middle of lusting after his boyfriend.

“Don’t be an idiot Poe, I keep spare clothes behind the desk I can change and look like I’ve been working.” Finn fires back.

“I’m supposed to be the brains in this relationship, you are the brawn!” Poe whines without much heat, and Finn rolls his eyes good naturedly in response.

Snap’s phone pings with a notification, and it’s Poe shouting in caps lock across the Force group chat “GUYS ME AND FINN HAVE BEEN WORKING THE WHOLE DAY DON’T QUESTION IT JUST ROLL WITH IT.”

Finn, finally fully clothed again, saunters to the front of the desk real casual, and Poe pops up onto the other terminal tapping away like he’s been here for hours. Snap almost questions what is going on, but then he hears the automatic doors go again.

“WHAT THE FUCK.” A strangely familiar voice roars from the entrance, and when Snap looks up he takes a moment to remember who the vaguely familiar goth kid at the front door is.

“Ben, so good to see you, have you decided to join The Force after your little tantrum?” Poe speaks casually, full of charm, and a 100% full of bullshit.

“MY NAME IS NOT BEN IT IS KYLO REN I CHANGED IT BY DEED POLL FOR FUCK’S SAKE.” ~~Ben~~ Kylo Ren stands there, huffing loudly. His hair, once a dark brown, is a shock of black that is swept across his face in a style Snap is _sure_ takes longer than your average five minute job. And is that eyeliner?...

“Do you want to explain to me why I found you and a former employee debasing the staff room table?” Kylo Ren says, voice low and angry.

“ _Oh shit no you didn’t?!_ ” Snap exclaims, voice incredulous until he is shot with a glare from Finn and coughs once, “I mean, I don’t know how they would have done that they’ve been here the whole time.”

Kylo looks at him.

“The whole time.” He confirms again, voice weak.

“Look, I get it. Finn and I, we are young fit males. You maybe saw what you wanted to see, no need to blame us. We understand, we feature in a lot of fantasies around here.” Poe shrugs, and Snap barks a laugh that he turns into a cough at Finn’s glare.

“Explain to me then how I possibly imagined Finn performing the Halasana whilst Poe was fucking him then.” Kylo deadpans, and Snap can’t help the look of horror crossing his face at the imagery.

“Dude _why_.” He moans.

“You know the Plow pose?” Finn perks up, and claps Kylo on the shoulder, “Hey good for you man.”

Kylo shrugs his hand off with a growl, “THE POINT. YOU ARE MISSING IT. DON’T COME FUCKING AROUND IN MY GYM. IT’S AGAINST THE RULES.”

“What rules?” Poe digs.

“MY RULES. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. I WILL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU CAME AND DESTROYED THE ORDER OF MY GYM. I WILL-“ He’s cut off by Solo cranking open his office door.

“Ben shut up your scaring off customers.” He bellows.

“My name is Kylo Ren!” Kylo now whines, and Poe is surreptitiously videoing the entire exchange on his phone from under the desk.

“I don’t give a crap, now are you coming home for dinner tonight or not? Your mother wants to know.” Solo hollers.

Kylo stomps his foot once like a petulant child and _holy shit this is fucking comedy gold they have blackmail material for fucking years_ , “Yes now stop ruining my moment!” With that, he sweeps to leave, clearly embarrassed enough for one day.

“Hey Kylo!” Poe calls just as he is about to leave, and Kylo turns in askance. Poe is now obviously filming, the phone up to his face, “Your roots are showing!” he crows, and Kylo gasps whilst reaching for his hair before running out the doors with a cry.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just pure crack but this 'verse won't quit.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://www.youaremylodestar.tumblr.com).


End file.
